I had shared a vulnerable post in the first few weeks of the challenge that included my AFTER and BEFORE pics. The reason I decided to do the challenge was because I desperately wanted change! I was hating my body and feeling horrible about backsliding into old habits. I needed the outside motivation of this challenge.
Here is the post:
Quite honestly it takes way more courage to post a photo like this. It has taken me the better part of two weeks to OWN where I am in my journey. Its just HARD to admit to the world you have gotten off track in your own health (especially when you are a health advocate). I let my life and circumstances overtake my will. But that is changing! I'm going back to what I know. For motivation I took the plunge and entered @bodybuildingcom #250kchallenge. I'm in week 2. Man! Do I feel better! I'm still working out some logistics in my routine but I've really been working on my nutrition. My passion for nutrition absolutely comes from my STRUGGLE! I have experienced what good and bad nutrition can do. I believe in flexibility, for sure. But, you can spend hours in the gym and still not achieve optimum health if your nutrition is horrible. I also believe in accountability. So I'd live for you to follow my journey!"
Was I happy where I was?
NO, there was still work to do in order to reach my goal.
BUT, I felt good in my own skin again.
These physical transformations I do are NEVER just physical. Mental and Spiritual transformation ALWAYS have equal parts. This subject is another blog post all together, however, it is so important and part of my process.
But, THEN things changed aaaagain! In that last week I started to see other contestants before and after transformations. And there the battle in my mind began. I started feeling that my progress wasn't enough. Maybe I was doing things wrong. I was doubting!
But, I also considered the methods in which many reached that amazing transformation. I have followed the culture of bodybuilding long enough to know the processes followed. I even followed it myself. I also know that while tremendous fat loss happens in a relatively short period of time, there is risk involved in gaining it back once those methods are not continued. You have to be strategic in the post transformation phase. Although the quick fat/weight loss was the goal for many if not most of the challengers, this was not my ultimate goal. I want fat loss but, I also want a good healthy sustainable lifestyle.I also didn't want to lose muscle but gain muscle if possible. This is challenging to do simultaneously.
In my humanness seeing these amazing transformation left me torn. I wanted more success, quicker success, "the others" success.
Remember.... Equal parts mental and spiritual?
Reality- I knew that my progress wasn't enough to be in the running as a finalist.
Mental and Spiritual conclusion:
- I did not feel the need to submit photos just to prove (to bodybuilding.com and other challengers) my success! Sure, had I really connected to some of them during the challenge and found accountability there then sure it might have been more of a consideration. But, I should not/do not measure success from the worlds standards but God's standards; in which is my obedience to Him. This competition was simply to motivate me to do a better job in taking care of my body, something He has placed on my heart to do. In this I believe I was successful. To others success might look differently.
- I had begun having these sitcom/Saturday Night Liveish mental images of judges tossing out my photo because I didn't reach their criteria of transformation (ok I know it's not an accurate picture of how it happens but its how my over-analyzing HSP mind works). Truthfully it goes back to comparison, something I continually struggle with. In the end I didn't want the visualization of comparison in my head. I will definitely be expanding on this in later posts.
5 One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. 6 Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God.7 For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone.
- I didn't feel the need to submit photos to prove my worth. My worth and success does not come from a competition, the numbers on the scale or fat calipers. I know my worth comes my creator. I use Psalm 45:11 often.
Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord.
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Blessings my Rubies,
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